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Friday, December 1st, 2006

Subject:i'll leave the door open all night
Time:12:26 am.
Mood: giddy.
i made 85$$ tonight..not so bad. and 70 tuesday night...and last tuesday i got a 50$$ tip :-D...you know how i do.

i'm working again tomorrow night so i should make more...and then my other job on saturday. which isn't so bad because i work with some good lookin fellas haha. hmm,

hopefully i'll get to see mary my love on saturday...that would be sweet. possibly bh tomorrow but like..i don't think so. i haven't talked to her about it again. and kaileigh wants to hang out on tuesday and see deja vu haha...she's all excited about that. we'll see what happens with that one though..i'm not sure i want to. but i have to go bowling with kevin! and brianna! on tuesday...but then like...how am i going to work on tuesday?

because i really should.

i don't want to medicate tonight..i'm on an upswing. :)))

i need to take a shower. and then watch the oc. because vati so graciously taped it for me.

i don't know exactly what graciously means though...but i think it works in that context.

i really want to talk to joe...but his girlfriend doesn't want him to talk to me and he's whipped. 

:'( i love him. i miss him. he was my best friend this time last year, so i've been thinking about him a lot lately.

i'll send him pictures, he can't resist the pictures.

i'm still on an upswing though...don't get me wrong.

laaaaaa.

but if i hear another friggin christmas carol i might not be so happy. bleh. they're playing them like crazy at bob evans.

and i went in the day after thanksgiving and my boss was like 'kayleigh! evan! help me put up ornaments and tinsel!'

....no.

all i know is if they make those sneaky cop cars out of jeep wranglers and volkswagon beetles...i'm gonna be pissed.
your life is shit.

Thursday, October 5th, 2006

Subject:you sit there in your old ways.
Time:1:37 am.
Mood: annoyed.
i've come to the conclusion that livejournal just depresses me.

no more livjournal.

peace.
your life is shit.

Sunday, October 1st, 2006

Subject:nasty.
Time:10:56 am.
Mood: wha?.
so i'm not my biggest fan.
no one ever said i had to be.

i wish i had spent this whole year going out and doing things.
everyone knows i put my life on hold for the first half of it.
that was a mistake.
not that i would take it back.
i would never take anything in my life back.
it makes me who i am today.

the tricky part is...i don't really like who i am now.
i'm not the person that i want to be.
not even close.
i'm not sure how to get to be that person, though.
definitely not by sitting on livejournal and writing about not liking myself, haha.

oh...and on a slightly different note...
...everytime jt sees him he goes 'marvan!'.

i don't find that to be amusing.
at all.

whateva, yo. i gotta go live life.
your life is shit.

Tuesday, September 26th, 2006

Subject:i promise you i will treat you well my sweet angel...so help me jesus.
Time:2:37 pm.
Mood: oh...fine..
i want a new job. 
that i can dress more interestingly at.
i am aware that interestingly is not a word.
if it is then...well...i am unaware that it isn't. haha.
went to safeway with phil and kaileigh yesterday.
we went to get some drinks and see justin.
i ended up with gummy bears, gummy worms and 4 rockstar drinks, haha.
everything was 'on sale'.
justin is an awesome cashier :) haha.
and...you know.
i have work at 5. i don't want to go.
part of the whole 'i want a new job' thing.
it creeps me out because people come in and are like 'hey, whats going on...blah blah blah do you remember me?'
and im like ...sure. haha.
and the redneck 40 year olds flirt with me.
which is just weird because...i look like im 14 haha.
especially today.
who knows why.
i need to go out and meet new people.
im in the mood to socialize.
but...alas...i cannot.
because at work all the people are from around here. and are hicks.
no disrespect to the hicks haha but...no thankyou.
i'm excited for friday, that's all i got to say. :)
your life is shit.

Saturday, September 16th, 2006

Subject:talk's a waste of time.
Time:12:38 am.
Mood: cranky.

pink floyd depresses me.
makedamnsure depresses me.
studios depress me.
my pink rainboots depress me.
the barn depresses me.
mac trucks depress me.
pink hair depresses me.
my ceiling depresses me.
we are scientists depresses me.
my room at my moms depresses the hell out of me.

why?

well....who knows.

it's pretty ridiculous. but whatever.

1 got over it -your life is shit.

Thursday, September 7th, 2006

Subject:im standin on the rooftops ready to fall
Time:4:03 pm.
Mood: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
tomorrow night is just...LOVE. i can tell already. this kid i haven't seen in, i dunno - forever - i just talked to him and we're hangin out. it's going to be the shit. i'm excited. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111oneoneoneoneoN!
1 got over it -your life is shit.

Subject:so don't teach me a lesson cause i've already learned.
Time:11:07 am.
Mood: bored.

"i never asked for your opinion
i just got it and...
i get it."

i've got a lot of time to kill and no one to kill it with. beat.

your life is shit.

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006

Subject:go 'head, be gone with it.
Time:1:52 pm.
Mood: ha..
i got my phone back!

now i've just gotta get some new ringtones :) haha. i'm a freak.

and...hmm...i don't know. i don't really have much to say.


but - whatever! i have work. ciao.
your life is shit.

Saturday, August 26th, 2006

Subject:la la somethi somethin Parrrrrradiiiiise!
Time:4:16 pm.
Mood: chikachikachikaBOOM.
well...i guess there's someone for everyone.

haha...ohhhh gee.
your life is shit.

Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006

Subject:you better cut your losses now, buddy.
Time:5:06 pm.
Mood: ick, i suck..
ok so...hmmm...ok i suck.

HOWEVER..i did really think i liked him. but now that's over, and i'm looking for ways out of seeing him. and i feel bad but ..it's just...i dunno. and i've already done this to someone this summer. a couple someones. and the one's still hanging on. i dunno.

i'm just not ready to go and start a new relationship quite yet. the end.

that and no one's really held my attention for more than 2 days. max.

what am i supposed to do?!
your life is shit.

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006

Subject:take back everything you said.
Time:2:48 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
i hate it, but it's the only way to deal with my life. ...on the emo side of things.
your life is shit.

Sunday, August 20th, 2006

Subject:call it whatever you call it.
Time:11:41 pm.
Mood: chipper.
omg...i don't even...i don't know how to express this haha.

but...ok...so - this is going to sound ridiculous and retarded - but i met this guy and this party last night.

and i know it's like...it's only been one night and blah blah but like...he ended up kissing me and it was the single most amazing kiss of my life. and i'm not playing. it was amazing. there's like this ridiculous chemistry.

and i even hung out with him and bri today - and saw him sober - and i still had this chemistry thing going on haha. because you know how sometimes things change when you're sober. NOT THIS TIME!

(that party fucking rocked, by the way.)

but yeah...bri LOVES him - which is good. and...he's like...i dunno.

he's 20, he's got 3 lip rings, he's the lead singer of an alt/progressive/grunge band, he's CRAZY about his music - he played some at the party last night and it was good - heart shaped box - him and alice were singing along to it and everything out in the screened in porch thing - it was awesome, and...i dunno. he's kinda offbeat...i like him.

and..he said...malander GRUNGE: omg
malander GRUNGE: youre amazing
This Poison x: say what?
malander GRUNGE: youre amazing.
This Poison x: why?
malander GRUNGE: because you are.
malander GRUNGE: you think the same thing i do about religion, about people, you like sushi, you like good music, youre cute, and youre an incredible kisser
malander GRUNGE: =youre amazing
This Poison x: oh, thankyou :-) haha.
This Poison x: you are too.
malander GRUNGE: aww thanks! ill take your word for it darlin
This Poison x: you should.

which is always good.

he wants to take me on a date. i haven't ever been on a date before. i mean - i went with one of my ex's to dinner with his family but i don't think that counts actually so whatever.

i like him. this is exciting. and bri loves him, too...so it's awesome. very exciting.

i really, really, like him.
3 got over it -your life is shit.

Time:1:41 am.
fuck the police!
your life is shit.

Friday, August 18th, 2006

Subject:here comes the BOOM!
Time:11:25 pm.
Mood: aggravated.

i'm so done with this crap. everything that was in my life before i want gone, every reminder and everything. i'm tired of somebody saying something or hearing some song or seeing something and then feeling like crap because i'll remember something...ok, i'm not sure how to say this without sounding emo...but...ok - there have been times in my life when i have been happy. ridiculously happy, even. but - it gets more emo haha hold up - they totally fucking crashed and burned.

and i don't want to be reminded of them. certain people had to go - and now the majority of them are gone. i don't go to my moms very much anymore - but that's not totally because i don't want to - but it's for the best because there are things i don't want to remember there. and i want to just get out of this place. and i actually have been - and that's what's up. i don't want another relationship, either. and that's kind of tricky because ...ok it's not like i'm not chillin with other guys. but then they get kinda clingy and want to date and...i just don't want that. so that sucks. but whatever.

and this isn't all about ex boyfriends or whatever - i'm just saying   iidon't want a relationship.

it's mostly about other things.


whatever - i wish i wasn't home - i don't want time to think haha. and that's what's happening. and writing in this thing isn't helping at all. peace.

your life is shit.

Tuesday, August 15th, 2006

Subject:i need a beginning, so baptize me.
Time:3:16 pm.
Mood: kinda out of it..

it's like a cleansing process. i'm cleansing my life of the past 4 years. everything from july back, i don't want. sorry about the casualties.

right now catonsville and the wrong path is what makes me happy. maybe it'll change, maybe not - but that's how i'm going to live my life. with out anything or anyone from before now (minus jt) and without the fucdkjfklj drama in my life.

kthanks. last night was good. but it's been better. and i still haven't figured out what i want to do about him. or the other him. but i'll get to it.

1 got over it -your life is shit.

Friday, August 11th, 2006

Subject:hey - you're a crazy bitch.
Time:1:01 pm.
Mood: confused.
he saw me make out with him, which is bad enough. but he's pretending he doesn't know - which is just the shittiest feeling in the world.

fucking...dodgeball.

i'm taking the weekend off. i need to figure out what it is that i want.
your life is shit.

Saturday, July 29th, 2006

Subject:i'm comin over but it never was enough.
Time:4:59 pm.
Mood: that's what's up!.
i'm getting the monroe.

if i can't talk my parents into it then, well...it's not too long until i'm 18 haha. 

my 18th birthday, that's what's up. piercing parlor.
2 got over it -your life is shit.

Subject:life is crazy.
Time:3:30 pm.
Mood: crazy.
the scene is dead but i'm still restless
an hour or so until last call, i guess
i shouldn't even be here
much less drinking myself into excess
i'm not goin home til im done
so come on and get gone
c'mon and get gone
c'mon you can't go home
the night is young
i'm blacking out, but it's been fun
well, everything's another excuse to keep from doing what i want to
like, i would really love to kiss you
but i guess i'm in no condition
well i'm not going home with no one
so c'mon and get gone
c'mon and get gone
c'mon you can't go home
the night is young
i'm blacking out, but it's been fun
i said, that's it, i'm not going home with no one.


life is so good right now! i don't care about anything dealing with parents and not being able to go to mom's house or anything because...everything's good.

i really shouldn't have a boyfriend. but, it happens. we will see.
your life is shit.

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Subject:californication.
Time:12:12 pm.
Mood: exchausted. kinda..

i had fun last night. :)

your life is shit.

Tuesday, July 18th, 2006

Subject:making an example out of you.
Time:2:55 pm.
Mood: hot.
it's hot. really freaking hot.

my car has no air conditioning.

it is an oven.

i don't want to go back out. or to work. 

i just ate mcdonalds. again.

the end.
your life is shit.

LiveJournal for x_toxic_love_x.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.